The Demon Musical

I used to be one of those parents who was not concerned about the nature of his kids' media consumption. Does anyone honestly believe that my sons are going to be more violent because they play video games? Does it really matter if my kids hear dirty words in movies or in song lyrics if they understand that those words are not for them to use, yet? Even when my wife caught our 6 year old Googling worlds like "naked" and "penis," I was unfazed. How hard is it to explain that he is not yet old enough to be looking at such things and that if we ever catch him doing it again, we will throw him out of the house. My wife took a different tack -- she told him that he was not to do it again and that the picture he saw were not real (I've got to admit, I'm with her -- I have a hard time believing those penises are real myself).

My oldest son is a big fan of musicals. He loves to watch them and listen to them and sing them incessantly. So when I watched the Tony's with him and saw a scene from the Best Musical winner Avenue Q, I figured I'd buy him the CD for his 9th birthday. After all, it is a musical loosely based upon Sesame Street with singing puppets and all. How bad could it be? At least that's what I thought to myself when I ordered it on Amazon and ignored the "explicit lyrics" warning. Sure, the song I saw on the Tony's called "It Sucks To Be Me" had to bleep one little use of the word "fuck," but he's heard me use the word "fuck" once before as well, so would it really hurt if he heard it twice (ok, maybe three times)? Plus, that whole Tipper Gore forcing record companies to label their albums business really pissed me off when it happened, so why should I succumb to her evil censoring ways. I bought the Avenue Q cast album, along with such family fare as Sweeney Todd (I've got to admit, that Amazon instant discount if you buy a second CD like the one you are planning on buying gets me all the time; it is genius) and gave it to my son for his birthday.

And now the sad part of my story. I was wrong. My wife was right. There actually are some things the you probably should not give your 9 year old, let alone your 6 year old or 4 year old or 2 year old. And it turns out that Avenue Q is one of them. As much as I did not really want my son running around singing "The Internet Is For Porn" or "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" at the top of his lungs, I mostly didn't want to have to explain the lyrics to him. The questions started out pretty straight forward -- "Daddy, what's porn?" But they got more complicated -- "I don't get it, why would his girlfriend 'suck like a Hoover?'" And then the troubles spread throughout the house like a virus. The error of my ways became all too clear in day two of The Avenue Q Episode. As I readied the kids for camp, my 6 year old sang to me "grab your dick and double click" and then laughed heartily. Ok, that's enough? Time to repossess the Avenue Q cast album. Which is precisely what I did with a fair bit of ceremony, as well as an apology (it had been a birthday gift, so I promised to replace it with the cast album from Once Upon A Mattress, which is far more wholesome).

I like to think that I am not a total neanderthal. I believe that I am educable. So in those few times -- those monumentally rare times -- that I discover that I am incorrect, I admit it and grow from it. Lesson learned. No more dirty musicals for my son. And, perhaps there are even some corollaries that apply, like no dirty movies, no dirty TV shows, less use of socially unacceptable language in the presence of my kids (ok, let's not go overboard). Because if you aren't careful, you can corrupt a whole household of children with one small misstep.

This morning as my kids were eating breakfast, I chatted about something I had purchased on the Internet. In the course of the conversation, I offhandedly referred to the Internet several times. As my 4 year old daughter walked by me to put her bowl in the sink, she motioned for me to lean down to her. With her big blue eyes twinkling -- a sort of glee rarely evident at that time of the morning emanating from her entire face -- she whispered into my ear, "the Internet is for porn." Perhaps my CD confiscation was too late to salvage civility in the Hornik household.

Comments

[Trekkie Monster]

The Internet Is For Porn!

[Elphaba Thropp]

#1, Avenue Q is NOT based on Sesame Street. Merely former puppeteers from Sesame Street have worked on the musical.. and the puppets were not originally part of the show.
#2, if there is a Parental Advisory warning you of explicit language, it is there for a reason.
#3, Even if the warning was ignored, the track listing should be a BIG TIP OFF.

[Jack]

Perhaps not "based on", but a spoof of it, most assuredly. For example, you can't deny that they're poking fun at the rumors that Ernie and Bert were gay.

But Elphaba raises a good point - how can you miss song titles like "You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (When You're Making Love)"? The warnings don't do you any good if you don't heed them, or at the very least wonder why it's explicit.

The whole thing screams "bad idea" to me. Sorry.

[Ashton]

Man are you an idiot! Just imagine what your kids are going to be doing at age 16 when they're exposed to so much crap at a young age. The reason that there is a sensoring label on music is because of just what happened . . .parents hadn't heard the music they were buying for there kids and when they started to hear fuck more around their house they wondered why . . .it's a heads up to what you're buying and it . And prevents a 4 year old from buying something that no one that age should be listening to. How is it that you didn't think a 6 year old googling for sex oriented sites wasn't that big of a deal?!!!! Don't you think that may just hmmmm . . .let's think affect him in a negative way???!!!! he's six years old for goodness sake!!! I can garuntee you that he's gonna get some girl pregnant by age 14. I think that maybe you should take a parenting course to help you out with some of these things or at least leave most of the purchasing decisions up to your wife and keep your mouth shut around children so that nothing "slips" out

[Treekie]

INTERNET IS FOR PORN PORN PORN !!!

[Jeff Marx]

HA!

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