I am pleased to report that my two year old is officially potty trained. Well, he's really two and a half but he's potty trained nonetheless. It may strike you as an odd thing to trumpet to the world. But after nine years of changing diapers, nothing is more exciting. Freedom from nine years of poop.
Just to help you quantify the amount of poop that represents, let's just do a little back of envelope calculation here.
I'll be conservative and assume a mere 4 diaper changes a day. Trust me, there are moms out there right now wincing. 4 diapers a day means that you only change a diaper if it is stinky beyond endurance or so full of pee it is bursting at the velcro. Truth be told, we started out at something like 10 diapers a day. Our first baby was never allowed to sit in a soggy diaper. But by our fourth, he was changed only when he got a pruned tush or attracted flies. No wonder he potty trained early.
Let's also assume that at no point during the nine years did we ever have two kids in diapers at the same time. This is a bit like saying, let's assume that I never walked and chewed gum at the same time. My kids are closer to two years apart than two and a half. And only the fourth potty trained in less than three years. So you do the math. But I'll keep it simple -- no two at the same time. Frankly, two kids in diapers at the same time is almost more than any guy can take, so I'd rather not remember those dark days. I feel for all you parents of twins.
In any event, here's how the numbers work out. 9 years at 4 diapers a day. That's 3,204 days of diaper changing, or 12,816 diapers changed. If it took 5 minutes to change a diaper, we have spent 64,080 minutes stripping, wiping and diping. Yes, 1,068 hours of diaper changing. 44 and a half days of poop. Add it all together and my wife and I have spent a month and a half, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week of tush wiping. Tell me you wouldn't celebrate the end of that marathon.